Bank Of Thoughts & Nonsense

Please do not think that I'm about to kill myself or circulating my head with suicide. This post is quite the paradox, because it's actually a very positive one. I just needed to jot my thoughts down, to preserve it. I decided to jot it here, cos it's definitely more permanent than any piece of paper where the lead on it will fade. Besides, no one really reads this blog, but if you are doing that now, that was just a notice.

I think everything happens for a reason, or at least I've been led to believe that. So whenever I'm in intense pain, I imagine that I should really get something out of the painful situation. That maybe if I learned my lesson for good, I won't have to go through all that pain again. That maybe if I didn't have such rotten thoughts or had such a rotten heart , I would never have to go through all that shit. And that makes me want to be a better person, to do better things because deep down inside, if I were better and I knew I were better, then I wouldn't have much to feel guilty about. Then my thoughts won't go directly to,"What did I do wrong?" , when shit happens. Instead my thoughts will go to...I honestly don't know what I want my thoughts to go to.

In fact, I forgot why I'm having this post in the first place.

I just know that I should be a little less of an ass and a little more of a human, I think this post was to remind me that.

Oh,and it also serves to remind me that I have to take all the shit in the world the Zen way, which I am trying to put all my Zen-ness to good use now by trying to turn every painful moment to a learning moment. It's like writing history books just so people won't repeat the same mistakes, yeah, this post is like that.

Damn, this is one hasty post.

Green Tip : Don't leave your MP3 players / iPods on and try to put your laptop to sleep mode if you refuse to turn it off.

-TANK

Pretty Yellow Toilets

I had the coolest dream ever. But it's going to bore you to death because we all don't really care about other people's dreams,so do not proceed unless you really don’t have a life. The only reason I’m posting this is so that I can preserve this dream,it left a very beautiful mental picture. And it’s nice when I can actually remember my dreams,so I really need to preserve this one.

Date : 09/06/2010

Time : Probably between 9 – 11 am

In the dream :

I was living with my relative ( I don’t know how we were related ) and I walked into this beautiful Moroccan or Italian – esque tiny house. The toilet was next to the living room at it was yellow with those tiny, tiny tiles. Some of the tiles were gold and the faucet was around your waist. It’s the most beautiful toilet I’ve ever seen ( putting aside the fact that it’s next to the living room ) , it was a cylindrical-shaped one, with an opening on the top of it ( I think you could call it an atrium ) to let sunlight in. The walls were circular, as in if you see it from a bird’s eye view, you’d see a semi-circular toilet. Of course, in the dream, I really didn’t want to shower in the living room but anyway , I walked up. And the stairs creaked as I walked up, and the walls were yellow and the stairs were made of wood. It was designed such that there were holes between the current step and the next step so your foot might slip through. As I walked up, I met a young girl with an old face. Her body was about a 12yo’s one and her face belonged to a 50yo. I asked her, “ How old are you?” She said, “A hundred and eight.”

“Huh?” I couldn’t grasp her words.

“A hundred and eight,” she said again.

“Sorry,can you please repeat yourself?”

“A hundred and eight,” she said again.

Then I believed her and got scared of her because there was something odd about her. You know,like that orphan kid? I had a camera in my hand and she came closer. She asked to look at it and I was really scared to say “No” so I let her come near. And she had a scissors in her hand which she was playing with and she kept putting it near the camera ( but I was too scared to tell her to put the scissors away ). She put the scissors so near the screen of the little camera , I thought she was going to scratch it but she just put it down and walked away and then the scissors was in my hand when she left ( you know how weird dreams can get ).

And in that house, there was a room so tiny that you had to crouch when you were in it. But that part of the dream is all a blur.

And then I woke up. Now I know how I want my toilet to look like.

Green Tip : Use less toilet paper, and more water when you wash your buttocks. ( )( ) OH and try to use recycled paper when you’re printing only on one side.

-TANK

Try,try,trying.

I've been trying to be more productive with my time by trying to write a decent story and here's an extraction from it . It's raw and unedited. I didn't even check if it'll make me sound bad in any way. Have fun judging!...

Here it goes :

It’s easier to like myself when I’m trying to be modest, or I think it is. It’s easier to say , “Oh , I’m ugly,I’m dumb, I’m a worthless piece of crap “ in my head because there’s a 2^nd person in my head who’ll be pitying me. Of course, it’s all me, just that there are many different mes all in one skinny frame. It gets confusing when I try to fit all of the different mes into one picture,so that they’ll fit nicely. It’s really like a jigsaw puzzle. There’s a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be fixed in me. Sometimes I feel like I’ve fitted everything nicely and perfectly into one picture and suddenly “BAM!” there’s this surprise where a person or something comes just to mess the puzzle up again. Then I’ll have to pick all the pieces up and try to fit them again. But everytime I do that, I’ll end up with a different picture. A new piece comes in. Some of the pieces are a little wrinkled and torn because that person ( or that something ) who messed it up made sure that he / she / it made a huge mess. He / she / it made sure it disfigured the jigsaw puzzle in me. But it’s not always a bad new picture. You know how sometimes you get the scars at the right places? Yeah, it’s something like that. It’s like that person might disfigure you at the right places and the picture in you will look cooler, it’ll be more flawed but in a way which gives it more character. As I was saying, it’s easier to try and be modest than be arrogant. It’s hard to say , “I’m hot and smart and all that “ and let the 2^nd person in me judge me. The 2^nd person in me will tell me , “ Remember that ugly picture you took? Remember ALL the ugly pictures you’ve taken? You’re a really ugly piece of shit.”

Sorry for talking all about me,me,me. Society or the media would label me “full of myself “ if they knew what was going on in my head. But fuck society, fuck the media . What seems to be “full of myself “ is actually me thinking intrapersonal-ly. I’m an intrapersonal thinker, no kidding , I took the test on BBC. Is it my fault that I’m the uncool sort of thinker ? No fucking way.

Green Tip : Don't use tissue or toilet paper to clean up the mess you made by jerking off. Lay newspapers on the ground. Or old brochures. Recycle, be creative.

- TANK

Before You Slit Your Wrist.

I was playing with google and I found this really funny website. So if suicide is on your mind,check this out.


http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html

Green Tip : Close your fridge when not in use.

-TANK

Valentine's Post

All you lovers out there,just here to wish you Happy Valentine's Day...or I could be a total cynical asshole and remind you that's it's nothing but an ingenious way of making you broke from overpriced chocolates and roses ( I would know,I used to sell them ) BUT I won't do that.

I don't get why people would want to get in the way of good things like the celebration of love. I know,it's a total rip off but aren't there more important things to protest against? It's like investigating whether Al Gore is doing what he does for the money or for the passion. It doesn't really matter because if it's just business to him then it's a damn ethical one,aye? Anyway,back to the protesting against love,I wasn't really talking about Valentine's Day(because nobody really protests against Valentine's Day) but more of gay marriages.

If it's against your religion,isn't judging someone against yours too? All legit religions have one message and that is to love. Love people. Love yourself. Love that YMCA dude in tight leather pants. Don't get me wrong,I'm not asking you to be a hippie. I'm not asking you to be a Dalai Lama. I'm just asking you to have decency as a human being and that means embracing happiness(lasting happiness,not let's-get-drunk and-screw happiness).

I've always been curious about the battle between good and evil,and I've come to one conclusion : People should be able to do whatever they want to do as long as they don't harm other living things. It's not as simple but that's the basic rule so go and get something real to fight against like global warming or bribery.

Well,that's just my opinion and I'm not even homosexual. Think about it,then maybe you'd make it yours. For now,I'm just going to wish all you straight,gays or lesbians 'Happy Valentine's Day!'

Oh,and watch this movie : Flawless ( the one with Robert De Niro ). It's great entertainment and it might help you open up to other things. Alternatively,watch American Beauty,my favourite. *wink*

Green Tip : Uh. Don't get junk for your lover on Valentine's Day. It's a waste of resources. And you might find yourself single the next day.

-TANK

Indie's Baby

Meet Lykke Li. She's this I chick discovered on Jason Mraz's blog. Sorry it took me so long to blog about her because she's been off my radar for a couple of months now but now she's back (=
Her voice is similar to a whining girlfriend's with the charm of a little girl meets well...anything sexy. She's not exactly Beyonce but she's very appealing in another way. I couldn't think of another way to describe her charm. Oh. And don't ever be fooled by her voice. Here's a tip : Read her lyrics.

You either love her or find her freaky but it's quite hard to hate her. Her music's not really a guy thing,unless you happen to have a very androgynous mind.

Her style? Uh. Indie Pop. Hippie. Carefree.

This is Little Bit (remix) by Drake & Lykke Li. I was going to upload the original version but I think it can be found too easily and this is the sort you find after a few hits on google. Besides,I think the remix version is a great display of Drake's talent as well.



If you like this,check out :
1)Dance Dance Dance by Lykke Li
2) Until We Bleed by Kleerup feat. Lykke Li.


Green Tip : Wear cotton.


-TANK

XX

Another indie band - The XX,or at least they used to be indie. I don't really care if they're indie or not as long as they keep producing good music. It pisses me off to see indie kids act like normal people can't listen to their 'sacred music'. Good music should be shared and its potential should be taken to the highest level.

This one is for the ones who wants something slow and nice. The sort of song that whispers gently. And the whisper lingers in your head for awhile. My favourite sort.
So I hope you enjoy it.



Green Tip : Do not open the fridge unnecessarily. I've seen how people can leave fridge doors open. BAD!

-TANK

odd thought

I've talked briefly about death on this blog before. But what's more important to most of us is life. There are various ways to lead your life and no one can tell you if you're right or wrong. But if you put aside the time you used to sleep,interact,study pointless things,or check yourself out - you're probably down to a year. It's these thoughts that gives me panic attacks. Maybe if you thought more about death and your funeral then you'll understand how you want to live your life. It'll be very idealistic and an idealistic life is uh,let's face it,nearly impossible to live. You keep trying to be good but something drags you back to the hellish behaviour. It may be money,your ex-lover,or a backstabbing buddy.

If I found out I'm going to die tomorrow,I'd drop everything and be a good person,I wont invest time in office gossips or stepping on people to climb the corporate ladder. I won't give a shit of who is screwing who. I won't bother talking bad behind people's back. Gossip - it's just cheap entertainment I still gravitate to. Tell me I'm not dying and I'll be back to my old self - narcissistic and selfish. Maybe that behaviour is kind of like nature's way of preserving one's own prestige. There's this hierarchy in this world and most people try to be on top of it.

I've identified two ways to look at my life -
1) Your life is a one chance to make a difference in the world (or atleast try ).
2 ) Life is to be enjoyed by spending quality time with friends and family.

The first one is all about devoting your time and yourself to the world. But don't be fooled,there's slight narcissism in that too because people will remember and always glorify you. Your sacrifice? No one really understands you. No one will go near you. You just seem to be more of a personality than a person. Sure,some people will point out you're only human but the truth is,nobody will treat you like a normal person. It's not easy to be so strongwilled and if you really spend your time doing the right things,you'll be a phenomenon.

The latter is more of your average family. You invest time in family,friends. You want to build a happy family,have a successful career,watch your children grow up. You want to chase girls/boys in your youth. You want to marry a beautiful wife and have an income enough for your family. Unlike the first one,everything is very moderate. You will be loved and remembered by your friends and family but not by the world. I can't say the people who chose this life is less successful than the first one.

Just because life is rough,if you succeed in either one,then bravo! But if you can succeed in doing both,then you should be very happy when on your deathbed.

Green tip : Don't leave the tap water running when you brush your teeth.

-TANK

Who's Your Daddy?

For this man,it'd be Bob Dylan. It's not hard to tell that Jakob Dylan is the son of Bob Dylan - thanks to his voice and face. I can't think of ways to describe Jakob without sounding like an ogling-teenage-fangirl so I think I'd just stop here and let the video tell you the whole story. If you don't like the song,you'd at least like the face or the voice or the similarity to Bob. It feels almost sinful to upload this video because I'm mainly satisfying myself by knowing that I'll be able to watch it everytime I visit my own blog. Here's an old song from his old band - Wallflowers. Sorry folks,I thought this song was the most accessible one compared to his debut solo album. Nonetheless,it's a nice display of his talent. On an unrelated note,check out his eyes and jaws (OH YEAH!) =P



Green Tip : Don't search on the internet unnecessarily. "performing two Google searches from a desktop computer can generate about the same amount of carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle".

-TANK

Dreamy,Not Trippy

There are a couple of songs I used to love listening to after a tiring day. It's nice to be driven so that you can stare at the passing cars and the night lights with your headphones on your head just listening to the most relaxing songs. It's the ideal relaxing trip back from a tiring day for me. Unfortunately,those songs are only fond memories of mine now because I've lost all of the song in my iPod,well,actually I deleted it by accident. Here's some of my favourite songs to chill out to.

Goldfrapp - Happiness

It's really dreamy and it's nice to see that they can be so versatile. Their previous albums were very different because they were more electropop than Seventh Tree. It's my favourite song from Seventh Tree and Alison Goldfrapp's voice is just a beauty here. I used to be so obsessed with her voice. It's sexy in a white sheets kind of way. But my sister told me it's just the result of lots of vodka but I wouldn't know. I'll let you judge anyhow,enjoy!



Blur - Good Song

I linked my cousin to this song and he responded by naming it "one of the trippiest songs ever". I never thought of this song that way and again,I just thought Damon Albarn's voice is just a genius here. I might be bias for two reasons :
1) I like sleepy voices like Damon's
2) I like Damon Albarn
I'll let you decide again.



Green Tip : Finish all the water in your bottle or try recycling it. Get creative.

-TANK

Allah-mak!

I have nothing smart to say and I refuse to comment on this "Allah" issue which is currently the topic of conversation for most people. I honestly must say that everyone can say what they want and there's no way you can tell people what they can or cannot say. Anyhow, check out this extremist hacker dude...I don't know if he's doing this on purpose to mock whom...but it's funny.

He / She managed to hack into our government's website and left a message at their homepage. Nice touch. 

If you're lucky, it's still there. Go to http://www.mahkamah.gov.my/

OR 

I kept this especially for you...gotta preserve moments like this. It's a kodak moment, yeah?

ANALyst Verdict : I like how he (I'm going to assume that it's a dude) used the sexy booty lady pic to wash the oversized brain. And his threatening phrases (which are not so threatening after all). "Don't touch us as we don't touch you. Unless..." (I can only imagine a five year old waving his tiny little fist at me. heh. so cute) "Mess with the best, die like the rest." (Oooooh...I'm quivering in my pants now) He needs to work on his grammar. Seriously. Shy.

Action Of The Day : Help three people / living things today. It can be from helping someone to cross the road, offer your seat to the elderly in the bus, or feeding a stray animal.

Cranx!

If You're Down

Here's an awesome video packed with good advice. If you're down,just watch this,and you'll feel a certain sense of clarity.



Green Tip : Do not turn on any electrical components unnecessarily.

-TANK

Germish

I've been feeling real adventurous lately and that feeling's been scaring me but nevermind about that ). What I'm typing out today is my first movie review *yay*. Well,actually I'm about to review two movies and since I've been feeling adventurous,I've decided to review ( no,not Transformers 2) but Pink and Broken Embraces. Well,most people won't give a shit or know that those films were even made but if you're feeling adventurous...continue reading.

I'll start with Pink .
Well,it's a German flick about this poetess who writes about depressing stuff. I would say that visually,it's a pretty interesting film. But in terms of plot, I'll have to say it was pretty disappointing. The characters were interesting and I think the director could have served the story in a more lively tone.

Broken Embraces is a Spanish film (STARRING PENELOPE CRUZ). Well,I'll start this review with an annoying intro like...Penelope Cruz is just really more gorgeous than she already is in this film. Besides the fact that she was baring it all,she really looked good in the Audrey Hepburn hairdo.
Okay,okay. The film,visually,was very nice on the eyes. Pedro Almodovar did a really good job on the directing and writing it. The script was lightly hilarious,sometimes dark,sometimes deep (or I might just be relatively shallow). There were also very interesting characters in this film like young Ray X,Diego ( he was also easy on the eyes ) and Harry Caine. I was really into the cinematography-the blending of the colours and the cameras were always at the best angle. However,I have to say that the ending was kind of predictable because I managed to predict the script,mentally,TWICE. Here's a really good reason to watch the movie-


Green Tip: Avoid using polystyrene cups and plates at parties,they are NOT biodegradable. Paper plates are better although they are a waste of materials. Try using your own reusable plates.

-TANK